I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
