My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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