Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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