You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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