you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
