PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
