Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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