Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
