my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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