he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
