they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
