his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
