I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
