If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
