im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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