I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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