when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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