At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The feeling are messing with the penis
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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