Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
