sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
