I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize