I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
