I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
