Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
