I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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