dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
