Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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