Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
