Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
