I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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