I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
