I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
