We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
this hospital has no fireball
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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