Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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