Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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