how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
