i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
