the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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