I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
