so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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