look no pants
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Im part way to drunk.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
