I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
