CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
