ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
