I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
