My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
