My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
