pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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