Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
