we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
