me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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