that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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