She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize