The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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