Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
