Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
