no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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