You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
