My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize