I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
