there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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