Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
