Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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